


Countdown

by Hermaline75



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: American/British Cultural Differences, Cultural Differences, Human AU, Loki is a brat, M/M, Masturbation, Step-siblings, This is pointless, inappropriate behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2015-09-03
Packaged: 2018-04-18 20:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4719320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hermaline75/pseuds/Hermaline75
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki's new British nearly-step-brother might be hot, but he's also not at all as expected.</p><p>Still, one must make do and opportunity could knock at any time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Countdown

**Author's Note:**

> I'm very sorry. This is one of those weird things that springs into my mind and won't go away.
> 
> They're probably 17-18ish.

Fuck the internet. Fuck dating sites.

Fuck the fact that his mother had apparently found love and dragged him halfway round the world during his precious summer vacation so she could get it on with another old person with no business being online.

And fuck Th...

No, don't fuck Thor. Don't even think about fucking Thor. Do not fuck your nearly-step-sibling.

No matter how stupidly attractive Thor was with his hair and his face and his accent... No. He was not at all what British men were meant to be like. He wasn't remotely cultured, he ate chips (ugh, _crisps_ ) all the time, he didn't seem to own clothes that weren't jeans and t-shirts.

And thinking about somehow getting Thor into a suit did not help with the inexplicable crush he'd still somehow managed to develop in the past few weeks.

They were all alone in the house, their respective parents out together for the day, and Thor was sitting next to him on the couch, indulging his addiction to daytime TV.

And British daytime TV was _weird..._

Property shows, fine. Cookery shows, fine. Game shows, really fine. But everything was muted. Tamed. Eccentric. There was a show about opening boxes to win money. There was a show where hotel owners visited and rated each other's establishments. The quizzes were either completely incomprehensible or so simple they might have been for children, and, no, he was not just saying that because Thor was good at them. Which was only because of the number of UK-centric questions. How was he meant to know anything about their politicians?

"You want a tea?" Thor asked, heading for the kitchen.

"Coffee, please."

"Cool."

 _Cool..._ Did they even say that over here? Was that Thor trying to make him feel at home? It would be better if they could sort out the stupid weather.

"Do you know how hot it is out?" he asked when Thor came back through. "If it ever stops raining, I might go for a run later."

"They said we'd have highs of 20 on the weather this morning."

"...Uh-huh, and what's that in real temperatures?"

"Well, it's warm for here, anyway."

_And yet you're still drinking hot tea._

"What's up next?" he asked, trying to at least act nice.

"Countdown. It's a classic."

"And... how do you play?"

"Oh, it's really simple..."

Thor launched into an explanation of letters and numbers games, of trying to make as long a word as possible from a set of nine characters and solve a math problem using only certain numbers in 30 seconds.

It sounded like the most stupidly boring thing Loki had ever heard of.

"How much does the winner get for being best at spelling?"

"Well, if you win eight episodes, you become Octochamp and get to come back and compete to be series champion. But the winner of an episode gets a Countdown teapot."

_A fucking teapot. This couldn't be more obnoxiously British if it tried._

It was...sedate. But he tried. No-one could say he didn't. But it was unfair that they could get the same word, but because Thor was fucking British and spelt it with a fucking pointless U he got more letters...

It also didn't help that Thor sang along with the goddamn clock.

"Ba-da, ba-da, ba-da-da-da, boooooo..."

No, fuck this. There had to be some way to salvage this stupid trip that probably wouldn't even end in a continued relationship between their parents. There had to be some way he could have a little fun.

There was an entire section about archaic words and Loki figured this was the point at which to push his luck. He could always pretend he was joking.

"So have you ever jacked off to this?"

Thor choked.

"What? No, why would...? We do have porn over here, Loki. We don't have to develop numbers fetishes or anything. There is a lot of wanking material available."

"It's just it seems like a fun game to me - jerk off and see if you can time coming just when the clock ends."

Thor laughed nervously.

"Is that a challenge?"

"Sure. Unless you're too chicken. We'll see who can get closest to the last note."

Thor seemed suspicious.

"You go first."

Exactly as Loki had planned. Oh, he'd judged this well. Thor's eyes were fixed on his cock as he drew it out and worked himself to hardness, waiting for the clock to start.

30 seconds. That was a tough ask. He had to time this exactly right, stroking hard and fast, his eyes falling shut.

Think of sexy things... 

Thor kissing his neck... Thor holding him down and pounding him nice and hard... Thor crying out as he came... Thor calling him perfect, gorgeous, fucking spectacular, a good little cockwhore...

He hit his peak with a cry, five seconds before the clock ended, slumping and panting and only then opening his eyes.

Thor was bright red, his pupils blown right open and his jeans looking...distinctly tighter.

Oh, he was SO thinking about how much he wanted them to fuck. Excellent. They seemed to be on the same page after all.

"OK," Loki said, adding just a hint of a moan to his voice. "Your turn."

Of course, he'd expected Thor to be uncut. Most British men were. It was still nice to get to see his cock and think about how badly he wanted it. How smart he was to have come up with this.

And, of course, he was going to cheat.

The clock started and Thor began with long, strong pulls. He wouldn't get off at all at this rate. Clearly he needed some encouragement.

"Your dick is really nice," Loki said softly, practically purring into Thor's ear. "It's so big. Mmm, I can't wait to see you come..."

"Shut up."

"I bet it would feel really good inside my ass. I bet you fuck hard, I bet you'd make me scream."

"Ngh..."

"I'd scream your name so loud. 'Oh... Oh, Thor, yes, Thoooor, fuck me nice and hard, oh, THOR!'"

Twenty seconds of Loki moaning and Thor was a panting mess, spill all over his hand.

"You... You fucking cheater."

"You loved it."

They were so close together now, both smelling of come, both breathing hard.

It was nothing at all to lean in for the kiss.

Nothing at all to be pressed into the couch.

Oh, yes. Maybe this vacation wouldn't be pointless after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I think it's an amazing irony that Countdown, that most British of programmes, was actually imported from France. C'est la vie, as they say.
> 
> (Also, for those curious about singing along with the clock, [here is a vintage example of the clock theme.](http://m.youtube.com/?#/watch?v=M2dhD9zR6hk) Ba-da, ba-da, ba-da-da-da, booooo...)


End file.
